I’ve been mentally prepping myself all week for the name announcement of Kim and Kanye’s baby. See, I knew it would be something completely outrageous and narcissistic. Totally saw that coming. All celebrities name their children obnoxious names, right? (Please take a moment of silence to think about poor Blanket Jackson and Pilot Inspektor).
I was expecting something along the lines of “Boi”. Or “Kyd”. Or “Kanye”.
Um. Okay. I’m not sure what the reasoning behind this was, or why it took five days to come up with that, but okay. Clearly they did it for shock value. Why else would you name your child after a cardinal direction? I’ve been puzzled over this all night, and I’ve come up with a few theories.
Maybe it has sentimental value. Let’s say Kim and Kanye love to travel. One night, they were taking a road trip, and the compass was stuck the whole entire time on “northwest”. No matter what direction they took, they were going northwest. They eventually got so lost that they just had to stop and call home. They were stranded overnight, and they had nothing else to do but play around, right? So Kim gets pregnant, and they decide to name the kid after their slutty mishap. In sentiment, of course.
Or maybe, next week everyone in this newfound “family” will disappear, and the only tip given to the public will be that they went northwest. They wanted to give little North some time to chill out in his natural environment without the burden of having to deal with all this publicity. Yeah! Maybe they’ve been planning this for a long time, and it’s just a matter of days now! Maybe all we’ll ever know of Kimye and North West is that they’re residing in some secret place in the North West.
And there’s always the possibility that Kim just really likes the direction “northwest”. Maybe she’s always secretly been passionate about it. Maybe the only reason she got pregnant with Kanye was so that she could name her child after her favorite direction. I mean, we all have strange little obsessions, right? Thank God it was something as simple as a direction. Just imagine if it was explosive diarrhea. Now that would be bad.
In all seriousness, though, I don’t mind the name. I think “North” actually has kind of a nice ring to it, and it’s much better than South, that’s for sure. They clearly did this for shock value, which has been the basis of this whole pregnancy. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from them.
And just imagine how boring and disappointing it would’ve been if they’d just named the kid something like “Keira” or “Kandice”. This is Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. The fact that they even have a baby is ridiculous. They’re just milking all this attention they’re guaranteed to get, and I say more power to them.
This is a free country, people. Kim and Kanye can, and will name their child whatever the hell they want to name it. The kid is not going to get bullied, the kid is going to be worshipped. It’s the child of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West for God’s sake. It’s already trending worldwide on Twitter.
Over and out,